Prison

I see myself standing at a doorway of the prison I have lived in for so long.  Jesus is standing there holding my hand, leading me out.  Yet I see that I hesitate.  I want so much to just wholly and completely trust the one who has my hand but the truth is I know in my heart I am afraid.  I trust as much as I know how, just not to the degree I want to and know he deserves. It isn’t the darkness beyond the doorway but the brightness of the light that scares me.  I look back and see how well I have decorated my prison.  How I took the religious traditions and built furniture and the shame I used as blankets to cover my nakedness.  Even previous words and instructions of the Lord decorate my walls.  Snapshots of previous journeys we have taken together put in frames, give a sense of comfort in the familiarity that is there.  I find the freedom he offers me overwhelming, as is his unconditional love and mercy that meets me in his eyes.  But it’s His smile, His goodness, His plans for my future.  Why is it so hard to let go? I have been here before, it should be easier.  He is bidding me to come, to let go of all I have known, all I don’t understand and can’t figure out.  Sometimes the hardest thing to let go of was the place of freedom Jesus took us to before.  But eventually even that becomes a place of bondage that squelches the liberty with which Christ has set us free.  The calling of Jesus crosses every barrier, including our preconceived ideas of religious freedom as spirit filled believers who consider our selves followers, disciples if you will.  Yet he will continually challenge our belief; test our loyalty and devotion to Him who is the fulfillment of the law, the radiance of Gods glory and exact representation of His being.  The one who is the Hope of glory, who has come to dwell in the heart of each of us who said yes.  But, we must keep saying yes.   
January 2016

Street Hockey

 For sin shall not have dominion over you for you are not under law but under grace. Romans 6:14

     Have you ever found yourself drawn to something that in your heart you know you have been set free from?  It isn’t that you intend to become a slave again but you head in that direction kind of like visiting an old neighborhood you once lived in.  You think to yourself I don’t live here anymore and I never want to live here again but where you now live they don’t play street hockey so you go back to your old neighborhood only to find you can’t go back just to play, if you want to play there you have to live there. Hopefully you follow me.   

I recently experienced this and what I found kind of surprised me. 

     Why is it that even though I have been set free I find myself sometimes drawn back to the very bondage from which Christ has set me free?  Is it something in me that wants to test the depth of my freedom?  Something in me that wants to see if the bondage feels any different than before?  I am not sure, but one thing I have learned contrary to what most people believe about Jesus’ response to this, is that He isn’t standing there waiting to beat me with the very chain He broke off me that for whatever reason I have decided I want to play with.  No, instead I found him waiting while I came to the realization that the lie is still a lie, the chain is still a chain and still lies in a place of darkness no matter how much light has come between me and it since He first set me free.  I found his heart towards me was exactly as described in the parable of the prodigal son.  Most of us are at least a little familiar with this story of the son who goes and squanders his inheritance then finds himself eating pig slop until one day he ‘comes to himself’ and realizes even his fathers slaves fare better than he and decides to go back home where he finds his father waiting for him with open arms.  My experience was somewhat minute in comparison but the heart of Jesus was the same. 

     Jesus does not turn away from us in disgust as the enemy would like us to believe so we will feel like we have no where else to go but further into the bondage.  No, if we will turn we will see him waiting for us to also come to ourselves and realize we really have been set free and that bondage that was once our identity isn’t our identity anymore. Kind of like realizing that you once may have lived in that neighborhood and were comfortable there and even though you miss playing street hockey the truth is that isn’t your address anymore. 

     You see just as the word says, it is because of grace that sin no longer has dominion over us because the strength of sin is the law which is why the enemy tries so hard to keep us under it.

    

 

Renewing Our Mind

No one sews a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment; or else the new piece pulls away from the old, and the tear is made worse. No one pours new wine into an old wine skin; or else the new wine bursts the wineskins, the wine is spilled, and the wineskins are ruined. But new wine must be put into new wineskins. Mark 2:21-22

     There are two things that the spirit has been doing in me and showing me that I realize totally relate to this passage of scripture. One is the renewing of my mind concerning self image and prosperity, and the other is about self image again but concerning how I spend my life day to day.

      I saw a girl driving a very old dilapidated car the other day and couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. I briefly thought how nice it would be to have enough money to change that for her when the Lord began to show me how that unless the mindset which got her in the position she is in is changed, giving her a new car would only be a temporary change. It wouldn’t be long until she ended up with the car she was given in the same shape because what needs to be changed isn’t her outward situation as much as what is going on inside her head. It is the same with people who win the lottery.  A poor person can win a million dollars, but if there isn’t a change in that persons thinking it won’t be long before the million dollars is gone and they will be living just like they were before they won it. There are documented reports of this very thing. This is even true of some actors who made tons of money yet at the end of their life they were broke. So much of the time we think the problem is a lack of money, but more money won’t fix a situation or circumstance that has been created by a mindset that is unscriptural. Our mind must be renewed in knowledge in the image of our creator in order to know what Gods will is, which is why consistent reading and studying of the scriptures is essential in our life.  

     I believe this is one of the reasons why many Christians will never experience the abundance God could give them because the problem isn’t a lack of money but an unwillingness to renew their minds. Abundance in any form without knowledge brings destruction. A previous pastor once said, “Money doesn’t make a person, it only makes them more of what they already are”.  I believe this is  one reason why God in his mercy doesn’t bless everyone with it.

     The other area where the spirit has been changing my wineskin concerns my mindset about being a wife and mother, keeping house, cooking and all that stuff. Because of my past I drew so much of my worth and value from how clean I kept my house  how I cooked for my family, did laundry and all that June Cleaver stuff. Those things have their place, but for me they were not in the right place and most of my life I lived confined to the box my misplaced worth and value kept me, otherwise known as bondage. Thank God Jesus sets us free!  There is no point in the Lord giving me a vision or anyone else for that matter if our ability to fulfill it can’t compete with the wrong perception we have about who we were created to be.

The Praise of Men or God?

     Recently during a ‘conversation’ with the Lord, although admittedly I was doing most of the talking, I told Him, “I feel like I have failed in so many areas of my life”. He asked me , “Do you feel that way because you think you should be happier than you are, or because of difficult circumstances?  You forget you live in an environment I never intended for you to live in. You can’t measure your success by the world’s standards, neither can you measure it by the presence or absence of trials. You're still standing, you're still seeking me, you're still looking past today into your tomorrow because of promises I have given you."  Of course this completely changed how I was feeling, His words always do.  Let me explain why I said what I said...................

     There was a time when desiring to be married and have a family were considered a noble pursuit for any girl, but things began to change during my high school years as more and more woman began entering the work force. I now know it was due to the war at that time, but as a teenager that was not something I was aware of.  Sadly I have sensed the same thing happening in the body of Christ, just a lot less obvious. I have wondered if any other women have felt the same thing.  To me it feels like a wave has hit women as a whole as they have come into more and more freedom in Christ and realize being a Christian woman isn’t a death sentence for the gifts and talents God has given us. While I can appreciate as anyone would this ‘new found freedom’ across the board, it’s more the attitude I have been sensing that bothers me. Remember, freedom is about just that, freedom to be whatever God has called you to be, but walking authentically in that kind of freedom only comes if our identity is rooted and grounded in Christ.

      Understand this isn’t something I have gotten from just going to church; it is something that I am picking up between the lines everywhere I turn in all the different forms of Christian media. While I have not succumb to being someone I am not,  I must admit I have questioned what I perceive my calling to be and whether or not I heard correctly. If you as a woman have never faced that challenge you are rare indeed. Understand it is not a lack of vision or devaluing women who work outside of the home that would contradict the heart of this post, but rather an earnest desire to give myself to fulfilling God's destiny in my life which at present seems to contradict the circumstances I find myself in. I have never desired to have a 'career' as some women have, and at times it seems my vision is somewhat at odds with what I perceive others think it should be, if that makes any sense.

      

     I was reminded of something the bible says in 1 John about the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh but in particular the pride of life. These were the things that caused Eve to be deceived by the devil and then disobey God in the garden of Eden.  Things haven’t changed. The devils tactics have evolved, but what he seeks to latch onto in us has not. The bottom line is simply obeying God, period. Whether that puts you at home working or getting a degree or having a career. In the end part of our fulfillment in this life comes from knowing we are doing what God has created us to do which at times will mean we will have to choose whose praise we desire, mans or God's. As Jesus said, if I seek the praise of men, I wouldn't be a servant of God. There are times when serving God will cost us the approval of man but there is nothing more rewarding than feeling the delight of the Lord inside knowing He is well pleased.