Pain

I would have lost heart unless I had believed I would see

the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13

     Pain- an inevitable part of life.  What I've learned is that hiding it from God is not.  What I do with my pain will depend on what I believe God thinks about it.  The devil wants to make us believe God is mad at us or disapponted with us because we hurt.  It's a lie to keep us from turning to the only one who can heal our pain.  Our pain is not the result of not loving God enough or not having enough faith, our pain is a result of being human and living in a fallen world full of other humans. That we hurt isn't a measure of our spirituality like the enemy wants us to believe. We don't need to be ashamed of our pain or feel guilty for it but I acknowledge that unfortunately too often this is what is conveyed in some churches however unintentional and this is the reason so many people have learned to put on their 'It's Sunday I am going to church' mask'. God is not put off by our pain or our disappontment that some things in our lives didn't turn out the way we expected.  To be sure He only is the way to healing and wholeness. 

     The enemy wants so much to sabotage any expression of Gods image in our life.  It is the image of God he hates us for.  If he can conceal it under pain, guilt and shame he will.  The only way he can is through deception, making us think God feels about us the way we feel about ourselves and our pain. What a lie! The key is to guard our heart so we don't allow our pain to cause our view of God and His heart to be anything other than what lines up with the truth revealed in His word, regardless of external circumstances.  Our circumstances are not the truth and neither is how we feel in the midst of them.

     I have found God is the safest place  to express what I'm really feeling, He doesn't love us any less for it.  We think that He does because we've been conditioned to love ourselves less for it or to love others less for it, but God's love is based on who He is, not what we are which is why it never changes, ever. God is love. His love is eternal because He is eternal. Imagine....there has never been a time when God did not exist, He has always been.  

Disillusioned

     I have come to the conclusion that sooner or later every Christian becomes disillusioned at some point. For some it is early on, for others it is later on, but eventually we find that we cannot reconcile being a Christian with the discontentment we feel, the disappointment, or dissatisfaction with life, but I don’t think we are suppose to. What is worse we feel horribly guilty for it, not to mention there is no shortage of preachers who in their lack of authenticity will tell you it’s your fault.

     Our inability to sustain the  fulfillment we do experience only adds to the guilt. Sometimes we suppose it is because we are not fulfilling our purpose, assuming we have even figured out what that is, sometimes and more often, we think it is because something is “wrong” with us. How many times have you asked yourself what is wrong with me? I should be happier, I should be ……… you fill in the blank. So many feel like they should be something other than what they are. We forget that we are a very long way from home and the way Father intended things to be for us. Being in relationship with Him at its best only gives us a glimpse of what it will be like one day and what it would have been like had sin not entered the Garden. We were made for so much more than we will ever experience while on this earth, and no matter how much of our purpose we are fulfilling, no matter how “right” we may be living our life, eternity calls out to us unconsciously reminding us this isn’t all there is, don’t forget that.    

     I have also found, the closer to Jesus I get, the more discontent I feel on this earth. Somehow I think rather than it being because something is “wrong” I believe it is because something is “right”.

Lies

Rescuing the human heart is the hardest mission in the world.

The dilemma of the Story is this: we don’t know if we want to be rescued. We are so enamored with our small stories and our false gods, we are so bound up in our addictions and our self-centeredness and take-it-for-granted unbelief that we don’t even know how to cry out for help. And the Evil One has no intention of letting his captives walk away scot-free. He seduces us, deceives us, assaults us—whatever it takes to keep us in darkness.

Their hearts are always going astray. (Hebrews 3:10)
God is filled with the jealousy of a wounded lover. He has been betrayed time and again.

The challenge God faces is rescuing a people who have no idea how captive they are; no real idea how desperate they are. We know we long for Eden, but we hesitate to give ourselves back to God in abandoned trust. We are captivated by the lies of our Enemy.

Excerpt from the book Epic Pg 62, by John Eldridge

     When I read the above I am reminded of the story about a man at the pool of Bethesda who had been crippled for 38 years. When asked by Jesus if he wanted to get well his reply was that when the waters are moving to indicate that the healing properties were present that others got in ahead of him, indicating that this was the reason he had not been healed.  Jesus always deals with our heart because that is where the trouble lies, not in outward circumstances. They are just excuses so we can justify our condition because at the time it seems less painful than facing the truth which is the only way to be healed. I admit facing the truth isn't painless, but embracing a lie to avoid it is far more painful and costly in the long run.

     I found myself repenting of feeling disappointed in the way things had gone since moving into our house. I had to ask myself why. The word tells me that those who hope in God will not be disappointed, yet I was. The truth was I placed expectations on an experience to live up to some ideal I had that had nothing to do with God, and yet felt justified to have the expectation because I knew us getting the house was of God, sounds confusing but it really isn’t. My deepest longing and need is to be one with God, intimately acquainted and involved daily in relationship with Him. But how often I too find my heart is led astray and I buy into the lie of the enemy that something else can satisfy me because it’s easier to believe the lie than to have to admit the truth and that is that I’m wrong, plain and simple. Can you relate?

 

     It doesn’t mean I need to berate myself, but it does mean that I have to admit I was looking outside of God to fill something inside of me that I know only He can fill. For me sometimes that is in accomplishing a task, sometimes its in acquiring a particular thing, or sometimes it might be in the way I expect to spend my time, most of which are a means to attain a feeling or an experience, which is what we are really seeking. Whatever it is, when that is not met then there is disappointment. I have learned that any time I feel disappointed, I need to look inside myself because it is a sign I have misplaced expectations, no matter how justified they might be, only God will not disappoint. Our nature is to take the easier path. It’s easier to buy an outfit or something for our house to satisfy, or for some as was the case with me at one time, to take drugs than to walk or I should say wade through the emotional debris life has a way of bringing to the shore of our hearts.

 

     Wouldn’t you agree that the financial and moral condition of our society is proof of the above? Honestly do we really“need” the majority of stuff we spend our money on, or need to “do” all the things we spend our time doing. Deep inside we all know it never works, and the longer we put off getting to the root of behavior that often times is bankrupting our lives financially and or emotionally, the more debris we must wade through.
 

     I think sometimes we have a hard time imagining that God isn’t put off by us, because at our core we are put off by ourselves. We don’t like how we are, yet because of our unbelief in His unconditional love we shy away from taking the risk of being vulnerable with God who is truly the only hope and help we have.

 

     I must admit at times it seems that this relationship with Him is well, just too easy. It seems nothing in life is easy, so how can it be so easy with Him? But it is. It is because Jesus made it easy. I was thinking about the things that make me feel frustrated or disappointed and I must admit that in every instance at the very root of it was a misplaced desire or expectation that something was going to satisfy me. Anytime I look to something outside of the Lord to fulfill me I am destined for an emotional dive, you can count on it. We are desperate for oneness with Him, so desperate we’ll do anything to satisfy that desire except the one thing we must do and that is to be honest with Him. He can handle our honesty, what He can’t do anything with, is our deceiving ourselves. We have to want truth no matter what. He is the Truth and we can only find Him as we walk in truth.

    
 What about you, what is it that has caused you to feel disappointed? Is it a relationship? Or maybe a financial situation, or even as broad as how your life in general hasn't gone the way you had planned? I don't think most peoples does. Whatever it is, you will find if you look deep enough, at the root is a lie. Only God can satisfy the longing of our hearts and He alone can be trusted with them.  
                                
                                        Poem: Worthless Things