October 2, 2016


A little over a week ago one of our beloved cats disappeared without a trace, this makes the second cat in a month to vanish. Cats don’t get lost, run over maybe, but not lost. What added to my anguish and confusion was that on the spur of the moment the night before I had prayed specifically for his safety and protection. 
     For people who have never had a cat it’s hard to imagine the trauma of losing one let alone the torment when you don’t know what happened. Most people will tell you they would rather find out their beloved feline met their demise with a motor vehicle than to be left wondering. Even in hind sight it can seem trivial but that is only because of Gods amazing grace, because in the week following Oreo’s disappearance I was distraught to be honest, from his sudden disappearance, my confusion about God allowing it, and the belief that my cats have gone missing at the hand of a neighbor; a neighbor to whom I must be as Christ. Suffering…… somethings are sent by God, but even what isn't, is used by God.

 1 Peter 4:19 So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

     We forget sometimes we are possessors of nothing and stewards of everything, even the gifts God gives us. He graciously reminded me that He was Oreo’s creator and could take care of him quite well, thank you. I had to come to realize that even if Oreo had been taken and dumped in the middle of nowhere I was not anyone to question Him about it. I was reminded of Job, not because of his suffering (nothing I’ve been through ever could compare to his suffering) but because the Lord addresses Job as ‘one who darkens His counsel with words without knowledge’, how well I could relate, because that is where I was living for several days.
God understands how hard it can be in the midst of suffering to continue to do good, especially if you believe that someone else is responsible for the suffering. BUT I can tell you without a doubt, God’s grace is sufficient, for His strength is made perfect in weakness.
There are times in our life when we will suffer on account of God’s will. Not suffering just because of what we are experiencing, but going through it the way, we as believers in Christ are commanded in scripture to respond.

1 Peter 4:12 Think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you as some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when his glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.

So not only are we to not think it strange, but we are to rejoice! Seriously?  I mean after all I am a believer, doesn’t that make me immune to certain types of suffering? Maybe you don’t ever think that way, and though I don’t adhere to the “modern gospel being preached these days” I must admit I have. I understand why Jesus said ‘blessed are those who aren’t offended in me.’
One thing I have come to realize over the years is, if we as believers never suffer anything how are unbelievers ever going to know just how incredible the grace of God is? We sometimes forget that grace encompasses everything about our life, not just getting saved. Grace is God’s divine ability to do that which would otherwise be impossible. God requires some hard things of us, but He also gives us the ability to do what He requires. How awesome is that!  If we are going to be a strange sight to draw the attention of those who don’t yet know Him, then we will be as the bush on fire in the desert that drew Moses aside.  The bush was on fire yet not consumed. God's primary goal for our life is to conform us to the image of Christ.  Remembering that helps change my perspective about suffering.

September 7, 2014


Please see update at bottom of post after you read this. 

All my hugs and all my kisses
all my dreams and all my wishes
they are for you
they are for you.
All the love that's in my heart
I want to bring to where you are.
I love you Daddy!

I crawled up into Daddy's lap and threw my arms around his neck and hugged Him with everything I had and kissed His face.  I could see Him look at me with the warmest smile and sensed He was pleased with me and what I've been doing. "You're doing such a good job, you're not falling short, although I know you feel that way at times but that's because you don't know your heart the way I do.  I see all of your heart therefore My judgment is true, righteous and holy.  You are doing great and one day you will see all the plans, all the dreams I have for you come to pass, but in the meantime you must trust Me.  You must trust My heart, you must trust My love, you must trust My mercy, you must trust My grace. 
I could feel Him hugging me, pulling me into Himself as He did, then letting me go just like a little girl to run and play and I could feel how much it touched His heart for me to hug Him and kiss Him.  That's when I wrote the song above. 
I live for these times with Him.  Days that I don't see or can't see for whatever reason are many at times.  I am not sure why that is, just that it is.  But His presence is what keeps me alive, keeps me pressing forward.  I begin to weep ....."My child don't cry, let Me wipe the tears from your eyes.  For one day you will see all that was meant to be will be just as I planned though at times it seems all you can see is the enemies hand.  But know even when you can't see Me or hear Me or feel Me I am there with you.  You are never out of My sight,  you are always on My mind.  I have such wonderful things in store for you......

Update:   At the time of this writing I had no idea that just two months following this I would be faced with stage 2 breast cancer. I also had no idea of just how precious this particular time with Him would come to be to me nor the strength I would draw from it. But He did. I remember kind of wondering what was coming as I thought about what He had said to me that day, specifically the part about trusting Him.  I could just feel He was preparing me. Turns out I was right.

I had initially been diagnosed with breast cancer in December of 2009 following a routine mammogram, however, at the time I didn't have health insurance nor the financial resources to do anything except pray.   For the following six months I fought to overcome a spirit of fear that was relentless in trying to make me come into agreement with the enemies plans to end my life as images of leaving my two girls by death were paraded through my mind night after night.  Six months following I had a visitation from the Lord and at that time He told me He would heal me when I least expected it. I would not let go of my promise.  Like most of us do I had my idea of how this healing would happen and every morning upon waking I would always check to see if the mass which at the time was the size of a lima bean was gone only to find it still there.  Despite the ongoing existence of it I had peace beyond understanding and never doubted I would live and not die. In June of 2013 the Lord led me to go to work for Michael's. and was provided health insurance that I would need a year and a half later as by this time following another mammogram it had become clear to me that my healing would come through way of surgery.  In January of 2014 I had surgery to remove the mass that was now the size of a golf ball.  I was pronounced cancer free two months later without the need of chemo or radiation. Even the oncologist assigned to me was amazed that I had lived for five years without it spreading.  All the cancer was contained in my breast and removed. Not even one lymph node was affected. I am without a doubt a walking miracle.  

Following Jesus

Following Jesus means I allow nothing to come between us- not even His call on my life.  It may not make sense but we are so very religious at times and don't even know it.  I find myself following Him on a path that to my common sense seems to be leading me further and further away from doing what I know I have been called to and have always known.  Yet I know with absolute certainty that this is the path He has chosen for me today.  Think of how many ministers today are working for God yet in reality know little of His heart, little of being truly intimate with Him.  Their God is the calling on their life,  their ministry,  not Him.  The call of God is not the same as God himself but so many have this confused.  The call of God is always to Himself first,  unfortunately after 28 years as a Christian I have seen over and over again ministers who equate the call of God with God and they are not the same.   

April 13, 2014

Out On A Limb

The problem with me is that I want the adventure of living by faith but I am not always so thrilled about the risk. Recently I made a decision that was really a step of faith but after seeking the Lord felt certain it was what He wanted me to do. The problem is that after the fact a situation arose that caused me to question if I had missed Him. I stayed unsettled for too long as far as I am concerned until the Lord showed me what was wrong. He told me you want to come out on the limb with Me but at the same time you want Me to promise you I won’t saw it off. If you are going to trust me to get out on the limb then you must trust what I chose to do once you are there. You see once I find a level of uncertainty I am comfortable with Jesus always comes along and says go further.
When my relationship with Him becomes obscured it is often because I am not walking in agreement with where He has me at a given point in time. Maybe you can relate. I am always amazed at how simple it is yet why I could not see it before I do not know. It’s like yes I want to follow you but ….. How many examples are given in the word of those who wanted to follow but with conditions attached?
Following Him must always be about who we are following and never about the outcome. Because we have lived in the world so long sometimes we are deceived into thinking this is reality when that is a lie, and so are all the ways of this worlds system we use to justify our disobedience. To be sure our loyalty to Jesus will be put to the test in a number of ways because He wants us to know what is more important to us, our relationship with Him or a false sense of security.
More often than not I have found the thing Jesus is after in me is getting me to be still and trust and not think that I have to do something. Waiting can be so hard sometimes. I have yet to meet anyone who finds it enjoyable. Doing nothing can be hard because that is not the way of our culture and certainly not the way in which I was raised.  Again, there is that dying to self thing. Geez, it never goes away.

January 18, 2014

Conformed To Jesus

Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, Who being in the form of God did not consider it robbery to be equal with God but made himself of no reputation, taking the form of a servant and coming in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, he humbled Himself and became obedient to death, even the death of a cross.

We can say much about being like Jesus in terms of walking in power, our kingdom authority, and the glory of God but all of that starts with a posture of humility, obedience and total dependence on God which flows out of a relationship of intimacy and trust. True humility  can only exist where personal revelation of our worth and value  to God exists first.  Without this there is no lowering of ourselves to begin with.

We must recognize and understand that we exist for God, period. He created us for His pleasure and glory (Revelation 4:11). When that becomes our desire, His pleasure and glory becomes what  motivates us, and the rest is easy. All of our worth and value must come from abiding in Christ and communion  with the Father.  It is the reason Jesus said, "apart from Me you can do nothing ."

I am called to live in perfect relation to God (it was his original intent when he created us to begin with) so that my life produces a longing after God in other lives, not admiration for myself. Unfortunately when our identity isn't rooted and grounded in Christ this is often the result.

January 12, 2014

Arise My Love

God nowhere tells us to give up things for the sake of giving them up.  he tells us to give them up for the sake of the only thing worth having.....life with Himself.

January 11, 2014

The Army Of The Lord

Lift up your heads, O you gates!  Be lifted up you everlasting doors!  And the King of glory shall come in. Who is the King of glory?  The Lord strong and mighty, The Lord mighty in battle.  Lift up your heads, O you gates! Be lifted up, you everlasting doors! And the King of glory shall come in.  Who is this King of glory?  the Lord of hosts, He is the King of glory. Psalm 24: 7-10


There's an army rising up....the army that is being raised up and brought to the front lines is made up of those who have been with the King in His chambers.  Those who answered the call to rise up and come away with the King.  They not only have His authority but they have His heart. They are not interested in using His authority to gain anything for themselves but only for the glory of their king. It is His glory they seek, not their own.

There is power in the name of Jesus to break 

Lord I hear you calling, I hear you beckoning me
Arise My love My fair one and come away with Me